So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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