When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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