I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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