I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
