Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
