I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
...so i touched it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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