as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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