i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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