you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
