I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
