I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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