no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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