My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
sex in a hospital.. check
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
