i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?