Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..