Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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  (401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0
  Replies (37) Good night (1137) Bad night (2462)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.

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  (863): Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight. http://tfl.nu/z2zb
  Replies (16) Good night (1064) Bad night (4367)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
  Replies (34) Good night (1577) Bad night (4869)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.

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  (503): My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it. http://tfl.nu/89xj
  Replies (40) Good night (5487) Bad night (3712)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

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  (315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i
  Replies (25) Good night (4213) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

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  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7576) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.

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  (720): You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis. http://tfl.nu/1eq4
  Replies (3) Good night (1945) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.

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  (316): He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over. http://tfl.nu/vzgx
  Replies (5) Good night (774) Bad night (1769)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.

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  (307): I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER. http://tfl.nu/f0gg
  Replies (7) Good night (1013) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (2103) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.

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  (803): I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly. http://tfl.nu/xwln
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...

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  (801): He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"... http://tfl.nu/bw0v
  Replies (4) Good night (535) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.

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  (614): The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception. http://tfl.nu/6prr
  Replies (7) Good night (984) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (655): View more from

  Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?

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  (655): Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall? http://tfl.nu/cvrt
  Replies (12) Good night (1962) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha

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  (707): I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha http://tfl.nu/s6o5
  Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (374)

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