If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
