I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
