shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
