just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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