let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
