I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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