I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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