I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize