you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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