he wants to bone in the snuggie
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
3pm strippers are depressing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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