If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
