I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
