Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
