so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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