i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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