Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
