hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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