It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
