Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
