well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
