Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
