Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
