Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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