So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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