I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
