When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
