Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
