Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
