hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
nutella sex= disaster
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
