What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
