I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
