If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
