he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
