Pants 0. Shit 1.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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