Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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