I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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