He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
