Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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