The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
