He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
