White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
