rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
