I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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