I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
