Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
