doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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