My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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