3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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