he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just googled if crying burns calories
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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