what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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