How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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