if you like me you must not know who I am
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
