i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
