Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
