my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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