you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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